NOT THE AMPHIBIAN KIND.

Did I tell you that I’m now a “FROG?”

It stands for “Flexibility R(something) Older Gen’s.”

I admit to being an Older Gen, therefore I can’t remember what the R stands for.

The program is put on by Howard Memorial Hospital, and it is supposed to help restore flexibility and balance in senior citizens.

One thing I DO know is that the title was created by someone in the health industry, not someone from arts and letters. Why? Because they used Gen’s with an apostrophe. Health industry writers please take note: The apostrophe denotes possession. Get it? They should have just written Gens. It’s (stands for It Is) plural slang for Generations.

And don’t some old folks get picky, picky, picky? Not me, however.

I can remember grammatical rules but I cannot remember what R stands for.

Anyway, my first session as a FROG will be a couple of hours after “The Leader” is put together, but before it is actually printed. I will not be able to relate my FROG experience until next week.

Before I could attend the first class, I had to let some teenage health industry specialist take all kinds of measurements and check my flexibility. Heck, I coulda told her that I can’t sit in a chair and touch my toes. Or reach behind my back and touch fingertips. Or that I might be just a tad beyond my ideal weight.

Heh, heh. One of the rules of participating in the program is that I cannot dress immodestly or wear t-shirts that have — shall we say — an ‘earthy’ message.

Heck, all of my t-shirts say Stand Up for America or Fat Jack’s Oyster Bar. That’s Jack’s with an apostrophe.

Many moons ago I signed up for an aerobics class. The class lasted the better part of an hour and was physically intensive. I was mentally ancient even then. And one of my friends asked me what was the hardest exercise I had to do.

I answered that the hardest things was hold in my stomach while I was around a bunch of young women who obviously didn’t need to be taking the class in the first place. I did not act naughty around those women. Mainly because my wife was also taking the class. Every now and then I’d hear her whisper, “Let your tummy out or you’ll faint, Buster.”

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ARKANSAS ROAD TRIP. More on my Arkie Road Trip to see the WWII Japanese Relocation (or Internment) Camps at Rowher and Jerome waaaaaay over by the Mississippi River.

Since my mention of the trip in this column accompanied by a feature article and pictures, last week, a number of people have told they’d never even heard of the places.

And several said they would like to make the trip someday.

That’s the point of my Arkie Road Trips. I had known of these places for many years, but never never took the time to go see them. Seeing them is better than just reading about them. Sorta like seeing those young women in my aerobics class — but that’s another story altogether.

One reader said it sounded like a boring trip, one that he no longer was tempted to make.

Very wrong. Rowher was especially impressive. These places, and the fact that society has marked them with monuments, connect us to important events, good or bad. This is the very ground upon which these events took place. It’s hard to explain, but that means a lot to me.

My Arkie Road Trips have taken me practically all over the state. In making the trips, I accomplished another of my goals: to drive across every bridge over the Arkansas River. Believe it or not, the river is crossed 17 times within the state.

There are four bridges in Ft. Smith (the westernmost bridge literally connects Arkansas to Oklahoma). There’s one at Ozark; one at Russellville; one at Morrilton; one at Toad Suck near Conway;  five traffic bridges and two walking spans in Little Rock; and three at Pine Bluff. In addition to crossing the walking spans, I’ve ridden across one railroad bridge in a railcar.

One of the pleasures of the trips is seeing new places. I haven’t made nearly enough trips to NE Arkansas. Some smart-alec might say that there’s nothing to see there. Not me. I’d like to see the Missouri Boot Heel, and Hemmingway’s home in Piggott where the great writer wrote most of “A Farewell to Arms.” I’ve already visited the campus of Arkansas State University twice.

Since Bobby Miller has not seen fit to return the stolen Corning Meteorite to the Clay County courthouse grounds, there’s not much else in the way of attractions in NE Arkansas that I’m aware of. If you know of something, please share.

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CROSSWORD PUZZLES. I’m addicted, and I start every day by working the puzzle in the ‘Texarkana Gazette.’ I finally found an error in a puzzle. The hint was: A shade of orange.

But there weren’t enough letterspaces for ‘Scrapper.’

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PUNS AND adult truths from my piano friend at Fellowship:

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

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HE SAID: “It is inexcusable for scientists to torture animals; let them make their experiments on journalists and politicians.” Henrik Ibsen, Norwegian playwright and poet

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SHE SAID: “As soon as you become afraid to make a fool of yourself, you’re in trouble. I decided I may as well just see if I can live with myself making millions of mistakes and learn something from it.” Gelsey Kirkland, dancer

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SWEET DREAMS, Baby