Mine Creek Revelations: Bronco tortellini

HONEST. I only joined Facebook so I could see pics of my granddaughter which my daughter frequently posts. Now I’ve worked my way up to six ‘friends’ and keeping up with their activities on Facebook keeps me worn out.
Some of these people apparently don’t do anything other than ‘post’ on Facebook. Half of them post recipes with delicious-looking pics of dishes. The other half puts up messages that Obama is taking us straight to Hell where the devil will take our home machine guns away.
I tend to read the recipes more often than the other stuff. I’ve even tried fixing some of the recipes.
Last week someone posted Tortellini Soup. It sounded simple. Maybe even good. And I needed something new to fix for Super Bowl Sunday. (I don’t know what tortellini is and I can’t read Italian, but I figured I could find it at the store. Wrong!) [Also, worrying about what to fix for Super Bowl Sunday tells you something about the excitement level in my life right now, but that’s another story and I’m sure you wouldn’t be interested.]
The recipe called for frozen tortellini pasta; Italian diced tomatoes; some chopped fresh spinach; a box of vegetable broth; and cream cheese. Other than that, all I needed was a crockpot. I found mine and scoured it clean with acid and steelwool.
Then I went out to get the ingredients.
Walmart didn’t have any frozen tortellini. I pushed stuff around in the frozen food box and blocked the aisle until a group of employees asked me to leave the store.
I went to Brookshire’s and they didn’t have any frozen tortellini either, but the manager said that I could probably substitute a bag of frozen egg noodles. Made sense to me. Then I went looking for Italian-style diced tomatoes. There was no such thing at Brookshires. I moved cans around on the shelves and blocked the aisle until a group of employees asked me to leave the store.
Went back to Walmart and there is just no such thing as Italian-style diced tomatoes. So, I settled for a couple of cans of diced tomatoes with basil and oregano and garlic because that sounded kinda Italian.
At home, I assembled the ingredients.
I apologize for taking so long with this story. And forgive me if I weep occasionally.
I got out my ‘new’ $1.95 can opener which replaced the one I broke last week. But it wouldn’t open the can of diced tomatoes. I tried opening the can with a beer can opener which someone helpfully left in my driveway. I punched holes in a circle around the top and poured the tomatoes through the jagged edge. To my horror I realized that a tiny shard of the tin can had fallen into the crockpot. So, I threw away the whole batch.
Went back to the store and got another can of diced tomatoes and a new $8.95 can opener.
Unfortunately, the new can opener didn’t open a can any better than that cheap one. I went to a neighbor’s house and she skillfully opened the can.
Now I was finally ready to put the ingredients together again.
I chomped the cream cheese into little pieces. Then I poured the tomatoes and vegetable stock into the crockpot;
The last thing I did was the spinach. The recipe called for a ‘small bag.’ No other description. Was it a small zip sandwich baggie, or was it a 30-gallon trash bag? I decided that a handful of spinach would be enough. I washed it and started chopping.
And sliced my left thumb to the bone. By golly, that blood and little bit of meat will just make my tortellini soup better, I told myself.
Actually, the soup was pretty yucky.
Also, I’m fairly sure that the cream cheese kept the dish off the Weight Watchers approved list.
Because of all the trips to the food stores; the ingredients; the replacement ingredients; the can opener; the replacement can opener; not to mention the antiseptic and bandage for my thumb; plus the replacement chopping knife for the @#$%* knife I threw into the trash can — this soup probably cost me about $20 per serving.
Next time I’ll stick to reading the posts about Obama and Hell and machine guns.
BULLETIN: The burn ban in Howard County has been lifted.
BEAUTY. Shina Sumler, a soph coed from Nashville, is among the contestants in the annual Miss Henderson State University Pageant this week. Good luck!!
WEIGHT WATCHERS. Weight Watchers meets in the activities building at Ridgeway Baptist Church out on Peachtree Street. Weigh-in begins at 5, with lashing and flogging to follow.
It was another weigh-in I had to miss, this time due to the chamber of commerce banquet Monday night. Probably not much change in my weight over the last week. There were some good days and then there was the Super Bowl. Munch, munch. Don’t remind me about the tortellini soup.
THINGS I LEARNED from opening email: There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
HE SAID: “Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly.” Conan O’Brien, entertainer
SHE SAID: “I think this is what hooks one to gardening: it is the closest one can come to being present at creation.” Phyllis Theroux, writer

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