I HAVE MENTIONED once before that the Garmin device which ‘tells’ me how to drive to places is nicknamed Loretta. I chose to hear a woman’s voice because I am accustomed to being bossed around by women, okay?
But on the way back from Mt. Magazine last week, I decided just for fun to get adventurous with the Garmin (the device, not Loretta). I remembered that when I first turned it on for the set-up I was given the choice of languages: French, Spanish, German, Japanese, English, Arabic.
So on a whim on my way home, I thumbed back to that spot and changed the language to Arabic.
One of the worst things I ever did.
I was driving along enjoying the instructions in that really awful-sounding language, when suddenly Arabic Loretta ordered me over to the side of the road. The words sounded sorta like a chicken being sqwushed under a steamroller.
Okay, okay you’re asking yourself how did I know that Arabic Loretta wanted me to turn off the highway since I don’t understand either Arabic or sqwushed chicken all that good. The answer is that when a foreign language is being spoken by the Garmin, there are English subtitles on that little bitty screen.
The Garmin’s screen got my attention because Arabic Loretta was shouting something that sounded like “Atoomi Boomba, Atoomie Bomba!” Surely she’s not threatening me with an atomic bomb, I said to myself nervously.
I decided not to argue, and I pulled onto a side road. Then, Arabic Loretta ordered me to turn the nose of my pickup truck toward the East.
I looked at the screen and the English subtitles explained that I was now facing Mecca, and would be for the next five minutes while Arabic Loretta did her Muslim prayers.
This happened twice more on the way home, until I finally wised up and switched back to English. I’m glad she didn’t find out that I stopped for a BBQ pork sandwich. And bought a lottery ticket.
How do you say “recalculating” in Arabic?
MUCH OF THE WEEKEND was spent traveling, with or without the assistance of Loretta.
First, I went to Mt. Magazine for a newspaper meeting. It was fairly balmy before I started up Arkansas’s highest mountain, but by the time I reached midway there were icicles hanging from roadsigns. Also halfway up the mountain I had to pop my ears. Same on the way down. The top half of the mountain was completely engulfed in thick fog, Saturday, when I was in a hurry.
From Mt. Magazine I headed east to Maumelle for the musical event of the year.
Miss Carsyn Elizabeth Murphy, age 10, was singing the role of Dorothy in the Pine Forest Elementary School’s fifth-grade production of “The Wizard of Oz.”
The iconic American musical is observing its 75th anniversary this year, and there’s stuff about it everywhere on television, on the Internet and in newspapers. Even at the Oscars. Seems to me that I saw something about the last ‘Munchkin’ dying a few years ago.At any rate, I do believe that everyone who was in that movie has now followed the Yellow Brick Road to that great Emerald City in the sky.
Or, they went to be with the Wicked Witch of the East, She’s probably in Austin, Texas where (as both of you know) the Devil lives 11 months of the year. Even the Devil can’t stand Austin in August.
Without going into too much detail, Miss Murphy was the star of the show. She was the darling of the audience, of course, and she acted and sang splendidly. Judy Garland would have been proud.
That’s the non-biased opinion of her grandfather.
A LITTLE TROUBLE. Sure hope we can get this cleared up before the next emergency.
A building in our alley partially collapsed and when people reported that the gas line was broken and spewing, the police radio dispatcher couldn’t get in touch with the gas company at its own listed number for emergencies for upwards of a half hour.
In the meantime, gas fumes filled businesses on the west side of the 100 block of North Main Street. Police even came by to tell folks to evacuate. Luckily, there was no explosion that I know of.
I TAKE FULL CREDIT for the last two thrilling victories by the Hardwood Hogs.
I did not watch any of either game — beating Kentucky at Lexington, and beating Georgia at Fayetteville.
I always say: When the going gets tough, I go outside. And so, for the past two games, I’ve sat out on the patio trying to be patient.
I know that I’ll not know the game outcome until it’s posted somewhere on the Internet.
This — I agree with you — is a huge and noble sacrifice on my part, but I am a team player and am willing to do whatever is necessary so that the Hogs win.
It will be tough, but I will employ the same strategy when the football Hogs run through the ‘A’ next fall.
HE SAID: “Don’t get up from the feast of life without paying for your share of it.” Dean Inge, author
SHE SAID: “Winter lies too long in country towns; hangs on until it is stale and shabby, old and sullen.” Willa Cather, author
SWEET DREAMS, Baby